Forever in our Hearts

I'm sure many people are wondering what is going on with the Palmer's lately, so here is everything.

I need this for my own healing, and everyone's knowledge will make this easier for me.

On April 11, 2016 I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). The doctors said I would need medical help to get pregnant. That day crushed me. I am infertile, but there is still hope. 

That week Justin and I moved to Pennsylvania for the summer, and my first thought was to get to a doctor that can give me the medical help that I need. I found one, he gave me medication that will help with my infertility, and we went from there. 

This medication was really hard on my body. It made me sick, and I was convinced it was not working because I was supposed to have had a period by then, and I hadn't. I had a feeling that I should take a pregnancy test, but that thought was terrifying (granted Justin and I had been trying for 15 months by this point, and every month ended with a negative test). This time was different. 

On June 22, 2016 I got two little pink lines that told me my future would involve a little Palmer baby! I was so excited, I went out of the bathroom, told Justin, and started to cry the happiest tears of my life. I can not explain the immense joy I felt, but I finally had what I wanted for so long. I could finally be 100% happy for all the pregnancy announcements that I saw on Facebook with no amount of jealousy, because I knew how they felt, and I knew I have my baby.

Justin and I were so excited that we couldn't help but buy this adorable bib that weekend when we went to Hershey World!

I spent almost a full month with the knowledge of my baby, a little over eight weeks with my angel baby.

July 21, 2016 was the worst day of my life. I was cramping all day with terrible back pain, but I thought nothing of it until about 9 pm. I saw that I was spotting, and my world crashed around me. My oldest sister, Angell, happened to call me right after I first saw the blood, and we sobbed together. It was maybe an hour later that I lost my baby. I got maybe two hours of sleep that night.

We spent all day Friday in doctor's offices trying to gather our thoughts and comprehend what happened. The doctor's took blood and gave me a shot and asked so many questions. They tell me to not give up hope yet, that my baby could have survived. I know this baby isn't inside of me anymore. I'm the only one in this body of mine now; I can't explain it, but I know it's true. 

I go back for more blood testing tomorrow and we will see what they say, but I already know.

For now we are getting by on the Spirit. I know that there will be a day that I have children, I just don't know what day that will be, or how that will happen, but I know I will have children. As for now Justin and I are just getting by.

We appreciate all the love and support we have had from family and friends!
This will be a trial that stays with us for this entire life, and I'm glad. I never want to forget about this baby of mine.

The day after this happened Justin and I were listening to Inheritance (audio book), and this quote came up that reminded me of my baby.

"Why are you crying?
Because I am lucky enough to be bonded with you, little one."

I feel blessed to have been bonded with this little one for 8 weeks, and I will stay bonded with him or her for eternity in my heart.
I don't know the full plan, but if this baby is mine forever, or still waiting for a working body in my family or another's, I want this child to know:
 I love you Little One. You will always have a place in my heart.
-Love Mommy and Daddy